Too cool Monster High

It’s January, and you know what that means. Sure, it means the holidays are over, you’re busy breaking your resolutions and cursing all the stray Christmas decorations that you missed in your haul up to the attic.

But there’s something even more exciting that comes with the turn of the new year: The introduction of the new American Girl Doll of the Year 2015.

Are you on the edge of your seat wondering:

“Who will it be this year? A little white girl with long blonde hair or a little darker-white girl with long brown hair?”

“Will her hobby will be walking homeless puppies or perhaps this year she’ll branch out from ballet dancing to tap?”

Well, the wait is over. May I present to you, Grace, the French Baker.

Although she looks remarkably similar to all the other little white girl with long, brown hair American girl dolls, she has an unmistakable braid AND a beret. And this year, instead of breaking child labor laws in the United States she’ll be breaking them working 70 hours a week at a bakery in Paris. (Unfiltered cigarettes sold separately).

Yawn.

C’mon American Girl. Is that the best all your brainstorming sessions and focus groups could do? I love France and all, and heaven knows I love a good bakery, but I’m ready for you guys to shake it up a bit.

May I draw your attention to Exhibit A:

Here’s a line up of my daughter’s Barbie collection. She has decided that she has outgrown her Barbies and we recently tried to get them ready to sell by matching up the Barbies with their appropriate outfits. The problem? It’s impossible, because they’re all the same damn doll. The only one that we could come close to matching up is the teacher due to her tell-tale glasses, which clearly every teacher wears along with their skin tight baby t’s and micro miniskirts. (As you can tell, we could not locate the teacher’s skirt, but this modesty box demonstrates the actual length).

Which brings me to Exhibit B:

The girls (women?) of Monster High. By looking at them it’s clear that Monster ‘High’ is an exotic dancing school for skinny women in their late 30s. The first time my daughter brought home one of her friend’s Monster High dolls I almost put that friend on the ‘list’ (you know, the list you make of the friends who are most likely to teach your kid how to smoke and find bad pictures on the internet.)

But then they explained the storyline behind the doll and I was intrigued. Over time I have truly learned to appreciate the amount of time and effort their creators put in to developing an actual ‘character’ vs just a new outfit for the same doll. Sure, like Barbies, Monster High dolls dress like complete skanks. But unlike Barbies, you get the feeling that Monster High dolls truly do it to express themselves instead of as a sad attempt to get the wrong kind of attention from Ken (life would be hard when all your competition looks exactly like you.)